A friend said this to me:
Read my old blog and here is what i had on July 11 2007
The clocks are spinning and the time seems to shorten by each day. I don't know if its the force of nature or if its the psychological effect A-levels is having on me. And despite the empty jokes my friends and i shared during lunch or break, our laughter are slowly fading away. At times of pressure everyone seem to take joy from others misery and we laughed at their frowns. We continued laughing and smiling but in our hearts, we all knew that its a facade. The visage that hides our insecurities.
And, when the gloom is just about to take the best of me, someone anonymous, unaware of the dark cloud above me, came out of nowhere and say "your smile is one of the sweetest thing i have ever seen" and slowly happiness start to grow and the stress withers.
Beneath the dark clouds, there are anonymous angels whose words may lift you up, there are friends who walked by your sides, there are families who give you hugs and most importantly, there is everyone else who are around us.
Thank you people. And thanks very much to the person who said such words to me.
ika <3
Somehow i've been feeling under the blue these few days. Blame it on PMS i guess but i guess a smile can make wonders.
I spent the morning of my birthday just googling around things i can't have and thinking of ways to get some finance so i can get those things. But, infact, i'm just trying to pujuk myself cause i don't think i'll be able to get it this year. Sighs. I planned that i might be able to get one by the end of this year, i was being too optimistic, thinking money would fly to me. I underestimated my spending abilities haha. anyways... I'll just have to continue googling these stuffs and decide whether i should get a lomo camera instead since lomo's are 5 times cheaper than a dlsr. I can't decide. Or maybe i'll just have to let both go this year haha and save up to get it next year. and seems like the travel plan's been changed again. The previous destination has been pushed to next february and i can't come with :( Nvm. Maybe i wasn't ready for it anyway. Now they are trying to discuss our next destination for family travel. Route changes in a short notice, i hope they found a way to get us to that place. I wanted to continue FZ but i just read a bad review about the current FZ that says that the mall's branch has been closed. Hmm i didn't know that and now i am not sure if i want to continue FZ anymore. I guess 21 started with indecisiveness lol.
Dreaded exam has passed and its holiday. I know i shall enjoy this holiday just like how i enjoy every holiday and i know some might not enjoy it much. I feel so sorry for the loss of our dear friend ben. I know i've been hard on him for quite sometime this semester. I guess after being surrounded by some lost (either family ties or family itself), i tend to ignore the feelings of others who are in the phase of losing. And i kind of have lost my affection towards any fatherly figure a long time ago to know what it feels to love a father so much. I am sure its a wonderful feeling :) So i truly am sorry for any things i've said and so sorry for your lost dear friend.
I think i need prayers of others to pass my mandarin. Sigh. I wasn't that i didn't study. Infact, those that came out, we never studied. No offence but ofcourse my chinese classmates in mandarin class understood and that left me like one of the only one who didn't :( and seriously, time management was not my thing this time and i missed quite a lot of points for the other papers. sigh
if we could party all night, and sleep all day and throw all my problems away, my life would be easy easy
But thats not the case though lol. One day to exam and my radio is blasting with club songs. Not to mention how we made SHBIE room into a dance floor at midnight just to release the stress. I feel so un-confident (more that it used to be). Perhaps its because i did quite so so for my course work. and its just so difficult to remember all the facts especially tropical forest course. or maybe because i'm already in my third year and it comprises of a lot of percentage. Hope i can make this work, though i am really feeling not ready
Pray for me.
Ihdinassiratal mustaqim.
How was 5th semester? Busy! Busy doing reports, researching about conservation on the internet, going to the jungle and various places in Brunei, Studying mandarin (which is difficult this sem and i think it would take a miracle to get an A) and trying to pull myself together during these tough times. this is seriously a terrible semester for me. I've been lazying and things are just so much harder. Also doing this:
Won't blog as much maybe. Its been a bad semester for me. Seriously. I missed a few deadlines, a few test and now presentation. Sigh :(
really feeling upset. So i need to get back on my feet. or atleast try to.
Furthermore, its really upsetting how people would say how i look like a mom or so. or when they say "oh you look so pretty today. slalunya si ________ lagi lawa" I mean i know i am not pretty. I know my body size is not as what every men dream of. I am getting older too everyday. I am overall NOT your dream girl. I GET IT. But atleast i am still a girl and you have to think that it does hurt my feelings a lot to hear that kind of thing.
Just hope that i can get back on my feet, try to pretend to ignore these hurtful words and pretend to smile.
I didn't take a lot of photos this time. this is Special Olympics Asia Pacific Bocce Competition 2010. (the third one in Brunei). It has ended and the next game would probably be sometime next 2/3 yrs. I was a volunteer and an official for the games along with a lot of us too who dedicated our time :) What is special individuals? They are individuals who looked like a normal person but are intellectually disabled or challenged. They may look like a normal person having no disability and you won't know that they are special until they talk to you or asked you questions. And although they are intellectually challenged, their physical ability is sometimes astonishing. People often distinguish them as a separate community.
DON'T. They do not wish to be born like that and they want to be a part of our community. But if you keep on saying "so can they do it? they are.. you know..", how can we unite? Stop saying the word "retard". It a very discriminatory and hurtful word. I know a few friends who stopped saying the R word but turned to like a "special olympics" peson or "special" person when they are mocking someone else.
Its just the same. Stop it. Be a fan of unity.
Disabilities are yet another manifestation of global diversity. Let us always be committed to the fundamental principles of dignity and equality for all human beings. 
Kofi A. Annan, Secretary-General, United Nations
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
-Mark Twain
I was upset that i missed the officials test but in the end they made me linesmen, flagsmen and eventually i became a referee for a few games in Special Olympics Asia Pacific Bocce competition. Though these 3 days of being a court official was tiring and my work that is piling up were not done yet, but i stand by the line above. i do not regret. I met these special athletes from different 4 countries and learnt a lot about them. Most importantly i felt happy when around them. Because they dont have no jealousy no bad intentions. Even when they lost the game, they still smile and raise their hands like a winner.
They are precious :) and it feels happy to work in Special olympics. Hope that there'll be a next time for me in SO, insyaAllah.
Today was packed. We had training for SOAPBC (special olympics asia pacific bocce competition) health screening and we get a tshirt this time too! I was assigned to fit feet. menyukat kaki athletes. Then at night, i had my shift for accomodation committee volunteering at Games village. almost all the special athletes have arrived already and are staying at games village. We had to run around and did a few errands under Ka Tini, the accommodation committee. But despite running up and down the stairs, the experience is indeed valuable. I met Nyssa and Martha both New Zealand special athletes. Perhaps, some of you might know that we call people with some degree of intellectual disability as special. But don't be mistaken, indeed they are intellectually slow, but their physical ability sometimes may surpass ours.
What made my day was when Nyssa said "oh look at those big ants. (burung ujan)" and she started screaming because she was afraid of it. and she started talking about these big gecko in her room which might be female with lots of eggs and she was afraid that the eggs burst and give out many little geckos. My imagination went wild and all when she said that and she shouted "OH NO look at that BIG GECKO. oh my god. they're everywhere. hanging in the ceiling"
and i looked at it- it was a house lizard! pikir ku kah gecko berijap mana. haha cali lah, it was fun to chat with them. and she even gossiped with me about an annoying delegate (not the athletes but the coaches) who demanded so many things. ;p
Full week this week and i am tired but all is worth it and the experience you can't get anywhere. Ss mark twain said,
Next week would be a busy week. Alhamdulillah we don't have plant eco class on 28th Sept so i could attend the special olympics Bocce officiating course, which is free as i had signed up for volunteering as a linesmen for the upcoming Special olympic Asia pacific bocce competition (SOAPBC). Next week will be SO week and my schedule would be:
Dr Edwards: What is a species and why is it difficult to define?
A species is the only level in the heirarchy that can be defined. Its not something that humans create and so it has a little reality to it. Genus, Family class and the level below it is not real and depends on taxonomist. Why is it difficult to define? Because species are changing while we are looking at it. It is not static but evolves with time. Something that is a species now may be another species in the future. The other problem is, there are a lot of variation in a species.
I intended to do many things this ramadhan : Post a mail to Buzz in China and Kak deena in Yala, South Thailand and more. But work caught me. I don't usually look forward to eid at the end of fasting month. But i do this year because i bought heels. =p Furthermore, my next braces appointment is due during the first eid week and now its hurting again. I can't wait till they close the gaps on my teeth. Tutoring form 5 biology has been splendid but the timetable during ramadhan is quite inconvenient.
Two of my friends who went to Pattani South Thai's article was out in the previous weeks. Read Dean's story about his one month volunteering experience and Azimah's too. Apparently they travelled to krabi and various places while being there. Since each of the 16 of us were placed in different schools in South Thai, we had different experiences. and theirs was probably more interesting than my experience since they stayed for full one month.
And its week 6! we're almost half way done through this semester. lalala. and its 10 weeks closer to vacation in December. Still can't decide to join my family throughout their 2 weeks road trip next December, or join my family for a week and then catch up with my friends backpacking in Northern Thailand for another week. Hmm. Haha i haven't gone through any exams yet and here i am thinking about holiday. Atleast its something to look forward to while studying. Travel photos is in my other picture blog. Why do i have 2 blogs? Apparently blogger is convenient to post wordy blogs but tumblr gives an amazing resolution to photos.
Just a post to share with you all. You probably know about Pakistan flood disaster. Yes, this is like many others- Katrina, Tsunami, Haiti, China. But i think, the only difference is, its Pakistan, its Ramadhan and most if the victims are celebrating ramadhan in misery. We are truly blessed to celebrate our ramadhan with families and friends and in a very comfortable condition while they are being tested with so many challenges. Now what comes after the flooding? Flood does destroy many things, homes, animals, habitats and etc but after that then what? You have to understand that when a large body of water is still, waterborne disease might spread. Truly there are food shortages and personally i think that would be overcome with the coming of aid from all over the world but what matters the most is the effectiveness of distribution. Regardless of the amount of money donated, if its not distributed properly it would be useless.
Kind of amazing how songs like we are the world for Haiti gets big publicity and this doesn't. Listen to the song by Sami Yusuf- Hear your call.
Taken from his website
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| Pakistan would face a second wave of deaths from water borne diseases and food shortages unless more aid arrives soon. Please donate by purchasing Sami's latest single 'Hear Your Call' where proceeds will help Save the Children's relief efforts in Pakistan. |
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I don't blog about hunger regularly but i kind of feel sad this time knowing that Pakistan is in need for help.Its a muslim country and therefore they do celebrate ramadhan- but this year for them wouldn't be unlike any ramadhan. Its kind of a reminder for muslim to be patient regardless of what trouble comes ahead. Its also a reminder for us Bruneians that Allah has blessed us Bruneians so much just by living in our country though we tend to neglect that fact and keep on spending too much.
What do you do in the afternoon? You went to the stadium or any other gerai ramadhan and buy lots of food? or do you eat out? Either one you chose, there are others who aren't like us. They are stuck in cycle of poverty and lived in hunger. And such hunger can be made worst with natural disasters. After all wars, arguments on the political table, disaster is also a reminder from God almighty that HUMAN is strong when we're together.
Spend (on charity), O son of Adam, and I shall spend on you. (Hadith Qudsi)
My article about my South Thailand community work trip went out last monday. And with all the comments i received, i am actually pleased that the article (though very informal as it was written) was accepted by readers. Even if its just a tiny population out of the whole Brunei and i may not have made news as the prince of the earth (Zek) had, but i am glad that i have atleast made an impact in someone's perspective by sharing my story and my thoughts.
In response to Linji's blogpost which you can find here Here is a summary of my semester holiday:
Went to Singapore for 2 days and KL for 2 days, backpacking with Fikriyah and met Aloysius and a new friend in KL.
